creative liberties

i spend a lot of time online and hanging out in my room. i'm supposed to be cooking up some grand cinematic moment for my film, but instead it feels like college all over again.

in reality, this thing either makes or breaks my career and my health is rapidly declining. 31 is not really the new 25.

why are producers retarded? why is everyone in taipei so unmotivated? if the united states is filled with tantrum throwing divas, then taipei is filled with a lot of thumbsucking wallflowers. i should have picked a producer who is tantrum throwing, but competent--because at least i know how to throw down like the best of them. in taipei, i flash some attitude and suddenly they disappear like snails and i get popped with prickly im sessions.

my story is there. my structure is there. i got a lot of help from a beloved collaborator, but something of myself is still missing. it is not "movie worthy" enough of a script yet.

i havent seen anything in a theater since i left los angeles. i havent seen anything since jan or feb, i think. not in a theater at least. maybe i'll go see "inside man" tonight. mr. lee always cheers me up. if an angry, tantrum throwing, outsider can make a straight-up, bad ass, hollywood caper in this day and age, perhaps i have a little hope.

somebody give me a splendourous moment.